10. Smack it with a rolled up newspaper. You may scare the heck out of the cat so be sure to tell her the newspaper is being used to smack the fly, not the cat because you caught her on the counter again.
9. Whack it with a shoe. I recommend a flat, rubber-soled Keds tennis shoe. It is much easier to scrape the fly remains off of the bottom of your Keds than the waffle treads of your trainers.
8. Hang up flypaper. Oops, that’s for the barn!
7. Snap it with a damp towel. This requires precision and a sharp wrist twist aimed toward an extremely small target. Plus you’ll have to wash the towel.
6. Trap it under an upended glass. The downside of this method is you will have to leave the upended glass on the counter until the fly dies. Before that happens, someone will see the glass (but not the fly) and put it away. This will happen while the fly has just enough life remaining in it to recover and pester you all over again.
5. Smack it with the paperback book you are reading. This will be a reflex response and you will probably regret it when you have to remove the fly remains from the page you are reading.
4. Slap it with a spatula. Ewwww!
3. Spray it with ant killer spray because that’s the only bug killing spray you have handy. Unfortunately, this will only stun the fly and you will be back to grabbing that spatula. Toss the spatula out after this because now it is not only covered in fly guts but also in poison.
2. Squash it with your hand. See number 4.
1. And finally, the number one way to kill a fly: remember that somewhere, but you’re not sure where, you own a fly swatter. Go downstairs and search for the flyswatter. Look under piles of magazines, under the sink, in the laundry room until you finally realize it is hanging on a hook normally reserved for the car keys. Go back upstairs with fly swatter at the ready to find the cat has captured that pesky fly and is enjoying a little snack! Munch, munch! And the best part is there is no mess to clean up!
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